February 2012
13 posts
The same cover photo on two Seattle-area grocery... →
Spoiler alert: there are not enough accusations of local magazine corporate espionage, like Poise and Sparkle in 13 Going 30.
I work near the Nike store, and every once in a while I’ll see a line of young men - always young men - in chairs waiting 24 or 48 hours to buy a pair of shoes.
My first compulsion is to think “Your ancestors built civilizations from mud and rock, overthrew tyrannical kings, explored the farthest reaches of earth, and died storming the beaches of Normandy. And you are waiting days to...
Would you please tell the jury where you were the evening of Saturday, February 4th, 2012?
“I went to Best Buy.”
What did you do there?
“I won a $50 gift card some time ago. So I went there and it was loud, so I just walked around for a half an hour or 45 minutes, turning everything off until I felt the store was at a reasonable volume.”
Did you buy anything?
...
January 2012
6 posts
I want to draw particular attention to the finding that feelings of relative inadequacy are amplified for those with large numbers of Facebook Friends who they do not personally know. These relationships are less about interactivity and more about surveillance. They are less about mutual growth, depth, and closeness, and more about looking, judging, and comparative self-evaluation.
Jenny Davis on...
7 or 8 years ago, I went on MySpace as John Elway and gave people advice. A lot of it was pretty bad.
Yahoo! Answers seems like it would be a great place to revive Dear John Elway, but most of the advice that’s there is already pretty awful. Instead, I think those people could use advice from Cousin Jasper in Brideshead Revisited.
“What are you reading?”
...
The Rise/Decline of Ronald McDonald →
“Newspaper reports from the early 1970s reveal that McDonald’s headquarters in Oak Brook, Illinois had a few surprisingly adult touches, including a 9-foot, 700- gallon waterbed with burgundy suede headrests in a special enclave known as the “think tank.””
Antiques Roadshow: Simply the Best →
Simply. The. Best.
December 2011
19 posts
Online retailers chase drunken late-night buyers →
The New York Times’ Business section waits to publish this story until December 27th - a shameless grab at a Pulitzer.
I’ve developed a fear that the bus driver will see me waiting at the bus stop and speed up and veer off the road to try to run me over.
Or, if he doesn’t, then I will get on the bus and sit next to a window. Then a guy will next to me, blocking me in. And then that person will start pleasuring themselves for the duration of the 45 minute bus ride, and I won’t do anything because...
My end of year prediction is that in the near future college bowl games will be named after legislation that corporations support (or wrote) or oppose.
Comcast/NBCUniversal Support SOPA Bowl
Archer Daniels Midland “More Corn in the 2012 Farm Bill” Bowl
Chesapeake Energy CleanSkies.org Stop the FRAC Act Bowl
Reverse bucket list →
The things you never want to do before you die.
I don’t ever want to go Christmas caroling. Especially dressed up like a Dickens character.
IDEA: The Misanthrope’s Weather Forecast
A periodic alert of large events or things happening, suggesting how you might optimize your schedule to avoid being around people/crowds.
A night-time NFL game starting at 5pm in your city, which will totally fuck up traffic for 4 hours, so it is a great day to work from home.
The Super Bowl is happening, so stores will tend to be empty -...
Anonymous asked: wats ur favrit dinosaur?
There’s a guy somewhere in my office building who chooses to wear Vibram FiveFingers to work.
I’ve never seen his face, but for months I’ve seen his feet poking out of the bathroom stall. All day. He seems to spend maybe 3 or 4 hours a day on the toilet.
How Vibram seems to want to brand these shoes:
Healthy
Natural
Strong
Because of this guy, I now associate the shoe...
“All mortal greatness is but disease.”
– Melville
A few weeks ago I heard someone say that they “really like breakfast sandwiches.”
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. It manages to be both too general and too specific. It just latches onto your brain like a binder clip.
My parents are having their Christmas party this weekend, so this is the conversational weapon I will be wielding. “You are a tennis...
n+1 personals: NIHILIST SEEKS NOT QUITE NOTHING →
npluspersonals:
NIHILIST SEEKS NOT QUITE NOTHING
Me: No bed of roses. Like waterboarding. The American way. Tooth decay. Facial imperfections. Squandered genius. Nasty reputation. Check out the thinning hair. Anti-this, anti-that, pro-not much. Morose. Morbid. Corrosive. Enemies list. Lives in the past. Megalomania. Limited palette. Horror of pets. Lapsed Catholic. Two years older than Jesus...
November 2011
13 posts
Smash your face against the keyboard, post the...
jhkhnsw5
“You’re exposed relentlessly to the truth that we’re not putting out a good...”
– -Tough Times at Newsweek
When I come into the office and wind up being here alone because the other guys decide to work from home, I order the absolute minimum from Jimmy John’s and try to get the delivery guy to hang out and drink beer with me. (“I have all 83 episodes of ‘Ed’ on my computer!”)
I really want to send out a Christmas card to my relatives with a picture of me and a couple of young children wearing matching sweaters, with no explanation of how I came to acquire the kids. But I’m afraid to type “kid rental” into google, so I don’t think this is going to get done.
Republic of Minerva →
Guy loads up a bunch of sand, builds an island, declares it an independent country, and then Tonga takes it from him.
