Nobody is writing these songs today. Commercial jingles are rare, mostly replaced with licensed songs.
There’s a part of me that would love to live inside this commercial - a world where you are compelled to wave at every single person you see, all your nutrients are delivered via an vitamin enriched orange drink that’s dosed with mood enhancers, and everyone anticipates the personal salvation of buying an all new K-Car.
It seems like a lot of the energy being put into corporate songs are basically wasted on the more internally directed songs, “inside looking out”.
As an industry, accounting has the worst offenders
- Deloitte's vaguely Christian rock sounding anthem
- KPMG, which sounds a little like a Stalinist-style totalitarian state’s national anthem
- Ernst & Young, which sounds like a 1980s sit com theme song
- PWC has two
American car commercials from the 1980s are incredible and beautiful. Many of them seem to share a similar literary style with personal ads or the video dating profile.
So why did we make it even better for 1985?
The completely undeserved bravado and machismo. Can’t you imagine the bratwurst who wrote that?
What To Do When Your Newborn Has a Shitty Personal Brand
LifeAlert’s commercials have changed a lot. The only other time you see commercials with this level of psychological horror baked into them is during election season.
We saw him one day. A 6’5”, saffron haired, tatted biker sporting as many rings as Liberace, but worn with the masculinity of McQueen (Steve, that is). We were immediately Beliebers of Caleb Owens; a man on a one-way ticket from Nashville to L.A., taking a break from his day job to play guitar for hip hop artist Yelawolf.
Sure, the writing has the feeling of a Ritalin fugue, but the over-riding problem with Blake Lively’s lifestyle site is that it seems to have none of the “aspirational” quality that the J. Peterman catalog or Goop has.
Also: I have a number of similar looking ratty T-shirts I wear when I mow the lawn though I never thought about naming the stains after 20th century abstractionists or selling them for $132 a piece. I think my oil change shirt would be “Robert Motherwell” and the one I use for yard work would probably be “Helen Frankenthaler.”
Swim meet for cats. Kitties wearing goggles and swim suits.Their persons kind of guide them along in the pool, trying to get them to race.
The major problem with the operating model of buildings like the Space Needle - “a tall thing with an observation deck that you pay to go up to” - is that you can’t see the tall thing from the tall thing’s observation deck.
The solution is to always build at least 2 Space Needles, so you can see the Space Needle from the Space Needle.
From there, it seems completely obvious that you would build a number of them, all over the city, because you want them to be in every photograph people take of the skyline, because that’s just free advertising for your observation deck business.
I spent the afternoon looking up pictures of stuff that was stolen from me. My parents gave me a snowboard like this for Christmas 20 years ago, and it was stolen within 2 months. I haven’t seen that weird little anti-social teenage Satan since then.
The picture is from an eBay auction and the seller was close enough to where I lived that it could’ve been the very board that was stolen, but I think mine was slightly longer.
Someone also took a Gary Sheffield rookie card from me. I only liked it because I thought he was wearing braces, like I was at the time. A while later I found out it was his initials inlaid in gold on his front teeth and I liked it even more.
Today I saw a tattoo that seemed like it was probably either Lion-O or a troll doll.